I just wanted to be normal
When I was a young girl all I really wanted was to fit in. All I really wanted was to be "normal".
One of my earliest childhood memories is about getting into lots of trouble with my parents because I was telling "stories'.
This was a very frustrating time for me. I just didn't get it. Why was everyone saying I was making up stories? My sister used to love getting me in trouble, or so it seemed.
It often made me very angry. I always told the truth and was very proud of it too. So it was very hurtful when I was being accused of telling lies. It used to drive me nuts. What was this crazy game everyone was playing at my expense?
When I finally had the realization that some of my friends were "invisible" to my parents, siblings and friends it was very, very confronting.
Why was I different? I knew what I saw. Why couldn't they see it? I just wanted to be normal but I could not hide from my truth.
The resulting inner conflict went on for months and months. It was not a happy time for young Antonia. What was wrong with me? (be careful what questions you ask yourself, for your mind will give you and answer, even if it is complete BS).
This inner conflict went on for many years because I could not find a satisfactory answer. I learned to be a lot more selective and careful about the information I shared with others, even my closest friends. Pain was my teacher and I learned the lesson well.
I believe many children are born with the ability to "see" the "non-physical" but most of them learn to suppress this ability as they are trained to conform to the "status quo.
Young Antonia learned to be less open with what she shared but she never denied her own truth. I am very proud of her having the courage to hold on to her truth, despite the intense pain and suffering it caused her.
In my adult years when I started to become more open about my spirituality once again, many people would tell me how "blessed" I was to have these special "gifts". I would often respond that I thought of it more as a "curse". They would look at me in utter disbelief. They weren't ready to face the truth of the pain young Antonia had to endure.
One of the biggest lessons I have learned in life is that people are afraid of the "unknown". They are afraid of anybody and anything that is "different". I am generalizing of course but it does apply to most people.
Very few people find the courage to truly embrace the seemingly weird and strange. Never realizing that maybe it is their own beliefs about "normal" that are weird and strange.
One of the greatest challenges of life for all of us, me included, is the journey of self-exploration and self-acceptance. It is often a difficult journey but it is the journey back to wholeness and oneness.
Anything that I judge about myself I will also judge in others.
Do you want to see "Peace on Earth"? Then start by creating peace within yourself. That is the highest gift you can give to the world. For when you accomplish this the rest will take care of itself.
In Love and Gratitude,
Antonia Ruhl
One of my earliest childhood memories is about getting into lots of trouble with my parents because I was telling "stories'.
This was a very frustrating time for me. I just didn't get it. Why was everyone saying I was making up stories? My sister used to love getting me in trouble, or so it seemed.
It often made me very angry. I always told the truth and was very proud of it too. So it was very hurtful when I was being accused of telling lies. It used to drive me nuts. What was this crazy game everyone was playing at my expense?
When I finally had the realization that some of my friends were "invisible" to my parents, siblings and friends it was very, very confronting.
Why was I different? I knew what I saw. Why couldn't they see it? I just wanted to be normal but I could not hide from my truth.
The resulting inner conflict went on for months and months. It was not a happy time for young Antonia. What was wrong with me? (be careful what questions you ask yourself, for your mind will give you and answer, even if it is complete BS).
This inner conflict went on for many years because I could not find a satisfactory answer. I learned to be a lot more selective and careful about the information I shared with others, even my closest friends. Pain was my teacher and I learned the lesson well.
I believe many children are born with the ability to "see" the "non-physical" but most of them learn to suppress this ability as they are trained to conform to the "status quo.
Young Antonia learned to be less open with what she shared but she never denied her own truth. I am very proud of her having the courage to hold on to her truth, despite the intense pain and suffering it caused her.
In my adult years when I started to become more open about my spirituality once again, many people would tell me how "blessed" I was to have these special "gifts". I would often respond that I thought of it more as a "curse". They would look at me in utter disbelief. They weren't ready to face the truth of the pain young Antonia had to endure.
One of the biggest lessons I have learned in life is that people are afraid of the "unknown". They are afraid of anybody and anything that is "different". I am generalizing of course but it does apply to most people.
Very few people find the courage to truly embrace the seemingly weird and strange. Never realizing that maybe it is their own beliefs about "normal" that are weird and strange.
One of the greatest challenges of life for all of us, me included, is the journey of self-exploration and self-acceptance. It is often a difficult journey but it is the journey back to wholeness and oneness.
Anything that I judge about myself I will also judge in others.
Do you want to see "Peace on Earth"? Then start by creating peace within yourself. That is the highest gift you can give to the world. For when you accomplish this the rest will take care of itself.
In Love and Gratitude,
Antonia Ruhl
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